Prisoner #69420 - An Interloper's Drug Run!

[Jimmy]

Author's Note: This survival series is told from the perspective of Prisoner #69420, a convicted felon with a history multiple drug trafficking offences and other crimes. His incarceration at Blackrock Penitentiary ended prematurely due to the Quiet Apocalypse. With society gone and alone in the world, our protagonist has only one goal in mind before he fades into The Long Dark: find and consume as many painkillers as he can before he dies. Each run is pure Interloper difficulty, and points are scored for each bottle of painkillers found and consumed. Please note that while all attempts are made to keep content humorous, light-hearted, and appropriate for the rules of these forums, themes of this series include crass language, drug use, criminality, and the occasionally darker side of human nature as featured in Episode 4. Reader discretion is advised.

Day 1 - Timberwolf Mountain

Dude, I must have been super stoned. I'm remembering some high-school English class crap, coming down from a black-out bender half-way up some damned mountain.

Wish I could remember which mushrooms those were. Hey, mushrooms! Those are some big-ass 'shrooms on those stumps. Grab 'em for my stash.

Right, where am I? It's about noon, and this wind's making my nuts climb for warmth towards my tonsils. Time to set priorities.

Priority 1: Find drugs. Get high.

Priority 2: Find shelter. Get warm.

Since I'm betting nobody's got a stash of good stuff up here, let's head down the mountain and make for somewhere warm.

Colder than my ex-wife's heart

Looks like a shack up there, and a bunch of weeds growing on the frozen lake. Not exactly my first choice of weed, but whatever, man. I'm sure I can work out some way to smoke them. I grab 'em and check the fishing hut, finding a pair of leather driving gloves and a tin of sardines that's looking a bit fishy, but I take it in case I get the munchies after blazing.

From there, I climb up the hill to the hut, hoping I score big.

I'll just invite myself inside

Well, it's warmer than outside, but still not warm enough. I still score some matches, a ski jacket, another tin of fish and a book about fish. Dude that lived out here had a serious fish fetish. Man, that's so not my kink. Even had a first aid kit stashed under the bed, and nothing inside it. Bet someone else already raided his stash. Amateur hiding place man, under the bed.

Since the bed's looking warm, I sleep off the last of my earlier bender. I start a fire and check my pockets. I have an empty can I was probably planning on turning into a bong. Whatever, I'll just roll a blunt with some of these book pages later. I boil up some water and rip these giant 'shrooms and red berries into bits small enough to blaze up, or brew up, or something up. It's all good man, so long as the good feels keep coming.

At least now I'm warm, even if I could use a smoke. Since there's no drugs, I figure I oughta get off this mountain and go do a little old-fashioned breaking and entering. What're they gonna do, arrest me?

Nah man, screw 'em all. Ain't nobody gonna tell me what to do no more. I was tough enough to survive in Blackrock, this ain't nothing. Just watch me.

Edited February 7, 2022 by Jimmy

[Jimmy]

Day 1 - Pleasant Valley

Pleasant Valley, eh? Sounds like some kind of old hippie commune. And where there's hippies...

Oh score, pot!

Wait, it's an actual metal pot. Dude, what a downer.

Anyway, it's a decent spot to warm up, and the pot lets me make some more water. I tried brewing some of the berries I grabbed. Tastes like warmth and disappointment. Decent buzz, but nothing major. Where's all the good stuff gone?

Some dude's got a bunker nearby, and it's full of empty lockers and paranoia. Probably had a lifetime stash of pork and beans in there at one point, but now all that's left is the smell of old farts. If I tried to blaze up in there it'd probably blow me to the moon.

Since my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined, I just haul ass.

Joining the mile high club? I'm just here for the high, man.

There's a bunch of suitcases around, and I check them all. I score a wool beanie with a kick-ass red marijuana leaf design, a thin wool sweater that smells like old lady ass, some dude's thermal underwear that's a hella tight fit on account of how massive my balls are, another ski jacket with more gaping holes than a truck stop hooker, plus a bunch of other random crap.

You know what I don't find?

Any damned drugs!

Man, screw those TSA assholes. Bet you they all swipe the pills at their little "security" scanners. What a scam.

Burned Ridge? Smoke break!

There's a cave and a deer carcass with about half a kilo of rotting meat on it nearby. Meh, I've eaten worse. I try grinding up some white bark I found into a powder. I've had some damn fun times trying white powders in the past. This one isn't one of those. Oh well, at least I didn't end up driving some dude's Porsche into a swimming pool like last time.

I could camp out here, but I'm strung out for a hit. I decide to push further today.

Nearly bought the farm there!

I find some hippie's farm. There's nothing growing, but I've got a hunch I can still score a hit if I try inside.

Know what I love about these little rural nowhere towns? Nobody locks their doors. I'm in through the basement, where I find more matches and a hacksaw. There's also a red toolbox inside. You ever notice how similar toolboxes are to cop cars? They're red and blue and have tools inside.

After flipping the basement, I head inside the house. The kitchen's got a good stash of snacks, and I find another ski jacket in the office that's better than what I'm wearing. Since nobody looks like they're coming back any time soon, I decide here's where I'll dump off the random crap I've been carrying. The bathroom next to the kitchen's a bust, but I'm not giving up.

Finally, I head upstairs.

There's another bathroom.

There's a first aid kit.

I hear something rattle inside.

First score!

Praise Saint Snoop Dogg, hallowed be thy name!

I grab a bottle of water, head to the big-ass comfy bed, and prepare for a night of bliss.

Downing the whole bottle of pills, I crash into bed, and sleep the night away, warm, fed, and happy.

Sweet victory!

[tulkawen]

On 2/7/2022 at 6:23 AM, Jimmy said:

Author's Note: This survival series is told from the perspective of Prisoner #69420, a convicted felon with a history multiple drug trafficking offences and other crimes. His incarceration at Blackrock Penitentiary ended prematurely due to the Quiet Apocalypse. With society gone and alone in the world, our protagonist has only one goal in mind before he fades into The Long Dark: find and consume as many painkillers as he can before he dies. Each run is pure Interloper difficulty, and points are scored for each bottle of painkillers found and consumed. Please note that while all attempts are made to keep content humorous, light-hearted, and appropriate for the rules of these forums, themes of this series include crass language, drug use, criminality, and the occasionally darker side of human nature as featured in Episode 4. Reader discretion is advised.

A criminal survivor is an interesting theme to choose in general.

As per the painkiller challenge, do you expect competition from other players?  🤣

[Guest jeffpeng]

On 2/7/2022 at 12:23 PM, Jimmy said:

#69420

I kinda have to do it ....

Nice.

[Guest jeffpeng]

On 2/7/2022 at 2:34 PM, Jimmy said:

another ski jacket with more gaping holes than a truck stop hooker

Jesus Christ, you're not pulling any punches, mate! 🤣

On 2/7/2022 at 2:34 PM, Jimmy said:

You ever notice how similar toolboxes are to cop cars? They're red and blue and have tools inside.

😂

 

[Jimmy]

On 2/10/2022 at 12:34 PM, tulkawen said:

As per the painkiller challenge, do you expect competition from other players?

Thanks for reading! I don't expect others to duplicate this, it's just a personal challenge to make the game more interesting for me to play, and for others to read. I always find games are more fun if you're keeping score somehow.

21 hours ago, jeffpeng said:

I kinda have to do it ....

Nice.

Hehe, thanks for the responses. Happy to bring a smile to someone's face.

As an aside, I realized once I reached the farm I'd missed picking up the mag lens at Timberwolf Mountain. Oops? It means I spend one more match than required this run. Not a huge deal, but I always try to track how I could have improved my previous games. I did, however, have amazing luck pulling a thin wool sweater, thermal underwear, and a wool toque from the plane crash suitcases near the start of this run. You win some, you lose some.

Right, time for the next installment!

Edited February 11, 2022 by Jimmy

[Jimmy]

Day 2 - Pleasant Valley

When I wake up I've got a pounding headache from dehydration and a mouth that tastes like an incontinent skunk crawled inside and died. Wish I had some pills to take the edge off.

Anyway, it's about noon, and I scarf down the last of my snacks before gargling with some tasty toilet water. Some might get all prissy about drinking from the shitter, but me and a few of the boys back in Blackrock used to brew hobo booze in the cisterns. I know all sorts of ways to turn a toilet tank into a fine vintage. Too bad it's so cold or I might give it a try here.

I'm warm, fed, rested and fresh out of drugs. Before I get going, however, I've gotta improve my odds of making it out of this rural dump. The gear I scored at the plane wreck's all ripped to hell, so I donate a few of the farmer's curtains towards patching up my threads. What, you think I don't know how to sew a seam? Dude, the times I've slipped a dozen baggies of green inside the seam of my coat make it all worth the hassle.

I finish up after sundown, then I step outside.

Yeah, screw you too, weather!

It's blowing a goddamn blizzard out there. If I try and head out in that, it won't matter that I just fixed up my gear. I'll be a frozen meat popsicle in hours. I call it a day, but I do happen to be able to grab a couple of bunnies out near the shed who donate their juicy bits for my supper.

Day 3 - Pleasant Valley

The morning arrives as the blizzard finally ends. It's still damn cold, but at least there's visibility. I can see a radio tower up on the hill. Can you say sex, drugs and rock and roll? I'm hoping I find one of those up there, and praying I don't run into a bear and find out it's the first one.

There's a few bunnies on the way, and I grab breakfast on the hop. As I crest the rise, I also find a maple sapling, and my hacksaw delivers me what I hope will one day be a decent hunting tool. For now, it's just dead weight, but since I dumped most of my useless junk at the farm, I can afford to bring it along.

I reach the radio shack, and find out that whoever worked in this place had shit taste in music. There's a note written on the cabinet full of records: "We have both kinds of music, Country and Western!"

It's not a complete bust, though. Where there's country rednecks, there's usually military surplus. Today is no exception.

Reinforced knees on your pants, an essential fashion choice for a cowboy. They're always ready to take a beating!

There's also a pair of work gloves and work boots that smell like a cow's ass, but they're nearly brand new, so I swap out my ragged pair of gloves and shoes. Now all I need is a trucker hat and a wife that's also my sister and I'd have the complete look!

The weather's turned warm and sunny, so I keep moving. I spot some rabbits on a hill nearby, and I grab them but don't stop at the nearby cave since there's a wolf sniffing around. Instead, I take the slope down towards the way out of this rural dump.

Day 3 - Winding River Cave

It's just past noon when I get into the cave. I find some dude frozen stiff inside. I name him Bruce Wayne.

There's also a buffet lunch served.

All-you-can-eat venison

Two kilos of venison, as well as the pair of rabbits I caught earlier, are enough food to fill my stomach and still have leftovers. I grab the guts and hide from the deer, figuring they'll be useful. Since I found a bunch of coal, I drop the guts, the hide, and the maple sapling at the cave exit. I don't need the smell or the weight.

Day 3 - Winding River

There's a few weeds along the river, and some cute, fluffy bunny rabbits.

I'll name you George!

George and his friend Lennie become dinner.

Up the hill from the cave I find two more maple saplings, plus a bunch of big-ass mushrooms. I've got a metric shit-ton of gear I'm hauling, but I grab them anyhow. I also bring George and Lennie with me, though they're quite a bit skinnier after I invited them to dinner. Their fur is just so soft, I can't resist planning to use it later.

Of course, bringing them with me attracts others to the party.

What're you looking at, punk?

The wolf runs like a bitch when I toss my torch at him. I grab more weeds along the way, then for once I'm glad I'm not stoned as I balance across the face of the dam.

There's another deer on the far side, who gets stripped for parts like his friend before. Then, I'm outta there! I can see a broken window, and that's all the invitation I need to get inside somewhere warm.

Day 3 - Lower Dam

I briefly fantasize about a different kind of hydro, then start looking around for stuff to steal.

Stop, hammer time!

Can't touch this? I sure as hell can! But can I carry it? Hell no! I'm hauling way too much loot right now, and I'm desperate for a good sleep. However, despite all this, the little klepto fairies convince me I need it. So, I throw it on top of all the rest of the junk I'm carrying, crawling slowly towards the exit of this place. I'll drop this all off soon, I promise myself.

Who knows, perhaps this place has a stash of painkillers? My back sure needs them right now.

[tulkawen]

On 2/11/2022 at 8:25 AM, Jimmy said:

Thanks for reading! I don't expect others to duplicate this, it's just a personal challenge to make the game more interesting for me to play, and for others to read. I always find games are more fun if you're keeping score somehow.

😄 It could be for ex 2 points per 2 painkillers and who can find more. Nonetheless, I sure am laughing hard enough to make icicles drop from the rooftop. GL to the escapee in finding more than a bunch of real pots.

Edited February 12, 2022 by tulkawen