The Day The Power Went Out: Chapter 1

[Tri13]

It was a late June night and I had just gotten back from a small bar in town. We lived near the shore so the place always smelled of fish and seaweed a feature of the town I always disliked. I had decided to walk home with some friends. We joked untill they we reached their houses then they had to leave. So I continued walking it was a warm night  when the weirdest think happend the lights started to go out. I supposed it was a down power line from the wind that had kicked up. But if there was a down power line there would of been a repair crew streaking past here any moment yet as I looked down the road they were barren. So I continued walking with more difficulty because of the lights when something else starteled me; I had been walking and the lights came back on but this time they were filickering. I still made attempts to ignore this but at this point that was so hard to do that I just stopped and looked around. Hey I thought my shirt was never purple. It was tinted purple and the street around me had started to glow various colors, something I realized as a... No it couldent be not on the coast. I slowly looked skywards and "AAAH!!!". An aurora borialis. I started to run I started to see my house when it started snowing. Not just snowing it was coming down hard "But," I thought to myself "Its June and its snowing?"  I had just gotten to my frount door when the colors that tinted the ground faded and the lights stopped filckering and I heard many of the lights burst with a tiny "pop". I walked into my house, glass was scattered on the floor in frount of me. But I could not see anything but two lights in the darkness and the noise of growling. 

[Tri13]

Pls tell me if I should continue this "project"

[romerabr]

Keep it going. 

[Tri13]

1 hour ago, romerabr said:

Keep it going. 

Thank you for reading

[ThePancakeLady]

On 12/3/2018 at 8:32 AM, romerabr said:

Keep it going. 

Agreed. Keep it going.

[Willy Pete]

There are some good elements, but I'd suggest running it through a spellchecker at the very least. A couple grammatical and punctuation errors as well as the fact it's formatted as what is commonly known as a "Wall of text" that's not very pleasant to look at.

Other than that, the old adage of "Show, don't tell" rears its head here, a common issue with new writers (myself included back in the day). Pretty much the entire thing is you telling us what the character is experiencing. This detracts from the story and doesn't really draw the reader in as much as showing us what's taking place through descriptive writing.

Feel free to message me if you want any more help, I've been writing fiction (including some fanfiction) for some years now and would be more than happy to help. 

[Tri13]

I am in a film class and I only thought that show dont tell only applied to film

[Tri13]

On 1/18/2019 at 9:52 PM, Willy Pete said:

There are some good elements, but I'd suggest running it through a spellchecker at the very least. A couple grammatical and punctuation errors as well as the fact it's formatted as what is commonly known as a "Wall of text" that's not very pleasant to look at.

Other than that, the old adage of "Show, don't tell" rears its head here, a common issue with new writers (myself included back in the day). Pretty much the entire thing is you telling us what the character is experiencing. This detracts from the story and doesn't really draw the reader in as much as showing us what's taking place through descriptive writing.

Feel free to message me if you want any more help, I've been writing fiction (including some fanfiction) for some years now and would be more than happy to help. 

 

And I have been writing a book based on the long dark.